Michael the Moaner in Moscow

Well to be fair he did learn from the best!!

Mike arrived on Boxing day when it was absolutely P-I-S-S-I-N-G it down with rain, there were small ponds everywhere!! Djalma and I waited for him for over 2 hours at the Airport (now that's what I call love!) and filled our time with a beer and tempura sushi. On the coach back into Moscow he was invited to a game of chess (with a lovely Russian boy) but only won one of the games they played!! It was charmed first hour in Moscow! That night was the only Saturday he was here for (the last Saturday night of 2009 no less!) and although Djalma had big plans for him (and so did Big Ben) we ended up staying in and having a relatively early night.

The next day was a late start, Djalma was working but we took him to Izmailovksiy Market where he bought a Russian hat and a 100ml shot glass (convinced it was the same size as a shot glass back home!!)

The next day (Monday) was also a fairly laid back affair with regards to rise and shining time. Michael and I headed out to Sparrow Hills and climbed the hill to the top, to look out over Moscow while dusk fell, about ten minutes after we got to the top, the lights in the city started to come on - one of my favourite things I like about living in a HUGE metropolitan area. We headed towards Moscow State University, which suitably impressed Michael with it's fairytale Gothic architecture and I managed to munch it. Lovely Job. With Michael desperate to offload his number 2 we headed towards the next metro station (which I thought was much closer than it actually was) found some portaloos where Mike lost some serious weight and we continued on our journey to the station. We got off at Mayakovskaya (one of my favourite stations with mosaics from a ground viewpoint all looking skyward. And the walked the wrong way up the next station North instead of South, we got back on the Metro at Belorusskaya and headed down to Tverskaya where we dined at one of Moscow first truly international restaurants and the first of its kind in Russia - MacDonalds. We then strolled down Tverskaya Ulitsa towards Red Square where we took an abundance of photographs of Mike in his hat posing in various positions in front of St Basil's Cathedral (have been inside, it really isn't too special) the Kremlin, GUM (shopping centre) the Museum next to the Kremlin, Lenin's Mausoleum and next to Father Frost and his "niece". We went inside GUM to see some of the extravagant Christmas decorations and also to find Michael some Louis Vitton socks, we weren't successful in the latter.

The following evening we went across town to the other side of the River in the old quarter, where we went into an old Cathedral and right in the middle of a service. Outside Mike made a snow angel and we were on our way after a flase start in the wrong direction. We walked the same way that Djalma and I went on my 25th birthday, past the sculpture of a tree and leaning picture frames, past an Art Gallery, over the Lovers Bridge where D and I padlocked ourselves together (symbolically not literally) and over the bridge leading to St Basil's and Red Square - more photo opportunities!! It was still snowing while we made our way around the bottom of the Kremlin wall to see the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour - a flipping long walk!! We stopped for pancakes just before the church which were a much more welcome sight than the Cathedral which was the purpose for the long and painfully slow walk there (Michael's short legs which he did not tire of reminding me about whenever I walked too far ahead). We met Djalma, some of Big Ben's students along with the great man himself at a bar not long afterwards, but not before I walked into the wrong bar and Mike was accosted by the 2 door men, one of whom was exceedingly drunk, but in a very congenial manner! After a couple of beers and some chips, Djalma, Mike and I headed back to the Cathedral for a big snowball fight and to take some pictures for Nan. On the metro on the way back home we took a picture of Mike with a guy who had passed out cold, this inspired the idea of Michael wanting to have his picture taken with everyone who had passed out from a little over indulgence.

The following day we made it out before the afternoon, I think we actually made it to the metro by 11am - RECORD! \The reason for the extraordinary wake-up and get out of the house time was because of a little man with a little beard. We queued up for what felt like an interminable age after having found the line and then, convinced I had to check my bag in first, we set off trying to find the entrance, bad mood ensued and a not so small argument and frosty silence with my brother made the queuing exceptionally boring. After flashing my saggy white thermals at a security guard after being asked to show the contents of my coat pockets, we followed the long path into the mausoleum, there were pairs of guards stationed along the pathway, seemingly one pair for one set of instructions; 1st set of guards: remove hat (gestured the removal of head coverings), 2nd set of guards: remove gloves (mimed by pulling his fingers, 3rd set of guards: hands out of pockets (action mimed again) the rest were there to ensure silence and continued momentum. I must say I wasn't too impressed by what was on show, he was really small, very pink and EVERYTHING looked plastic, not just his replaced hand.
We stopped in a Shokoladnitsya for, what turned out to be, quite an expensive lunch and having rested there and warmed up enough we headed back over to the Cathedral which we had by now, visited twice but had not yet been in. I've now been inside the Cathedral four times and each time it takes my breath away, even though the inside was dark, it was still incredibly beautiful. We wandered downstairs to see the little museum they have on the history of the Cathedral and then made our way back to the metro. We headed up to Mayakovskaya which is one of my favourite stations with aerial view mosiacs in the ceiling, we left by the wrong exit and I was immediately lost, not that I admitted this to Mike until we were too far from the station to reasonably turn back, instead we, quite sensibly carried on until the next station, although I had no idea where it was or how long it would take to get us there. Mikhail the Moaner, true to his name, moaned the whole way to the next station, Belorruskaya. We got on and took the metro down to Tverskaya which is where Mike was convinced a little DVD place was. After much brother and sisterly arguing, I realised which DVD place he meant and that is was no where near MacDonalds but instead a totally different station and on the way to Rostiks (a Russian fried chicken place taken over by KFC, which true to Russia, also serves beer = genius!). We got back on track and after eating some fried chicken went and got an Akon CD, Year One (best bloody comedy ever) and Eight Mile, which despite being assured by Mike as an excellent film, was all in badly dubbed Russian and so I didn't get to find out whether or not I agreed. All that we were good for was a little trip round some of the stations on the brown ring. By this point Mike wasn't too bothered and just wanted to sit on the metro!
We made it to another of my favourite stations - Aviamatornaya, the ceiling of which is covered in gold and is spectacular. We took a few pictures including one of Lenin, not a smidge of recognition on Mike's face when I asked who the head belonged to despite having seen him in his final resting place the previous day. Exasperating doesn't even cover it.

TBC

Jetboat rides in Ilha Grande

Well it's just a little, no, a big fat slice of Heaven there.

It took a bus ride, a coach trip and 45 minutes on a catermaran to get there but it was worth every second of the trip. The Island is about 193 km² and has the same rainforest as the Amazon (and is completely protected and roadless so no driving) just to give you a rough idea the Isle of Wight is 384 km².

We stayed in a small pension and spent the first evening wandering around trying to find a half decent tour to go on the following day - which was the only day we were there for. We gave up half way through after speaking to a total idiot and had a drink on the beach front, the bar was playing some decent reggae and it was very relaxing although we managed to end up talking about homeschooling our future children if we ever ended up in a location with no educational facilites! Afterwards we found a tour operator who knew what they were talking about and signed up for an 8 hour speedboat tour of the island which stopped off at 10 different places where we could get off and swim or snorkel. That done we had dinner which was immense, we went to a recommended place by the girl at the tour operator and were not disappointed. I can't remember what it was called but it was empty (not the best sign) but man, it was delicious. It was all freshly cooked seafood dishes and we helped it down with a couple of beers which went straight to our heads. The walk back to our hotel was not without effort, feeling totally fat and a little bit tiddled we waddled back the long way round giggling most of the way.

The next day we were up early and raring to go, the boat was loaded up with no more than 8 and a half of us and we set off to the sound of Justin Trousersnake crooning Summer Love which has totally made that song for me! Listening to it while I'm writing, bringing the memories flooding back - wind in my hair trying not to land too hard on my butt when we crashed back down wave after wave in the boat... The places we visited were all gorgeous, I can't remember all of them but the beaches were all the same (in a gorgeous tropical way!) pale golden sand, blue skies and clear green water. We went snorkelling from the first stop and saw some schools of fish, baby squid, sea urchins and bigger fish. I must admit at this point that on more than a few occassions I got quite a bit scared - and acted like a big girl, to shore as fast as my un-exercised legs will propel me.

Unfortunately being scared did not stop me from going into the water and the resulting burns on my back, legs and rear end lasted for weeks, it was 4 full days before it was painfree although still uncomfortable to sit down again. Before I realised the full extent of my stupidity we managed an ice-cream before going back to our Pension to rub some pink cream into our backsides and take pictures of it. The night was awful my sunburn hurt so much and every time I tried to move I woke Djalma because of my wimpering and crying (what a big girl). The next day we managed to miss our boat back to the mainland and got the next one instead, we then got a coach and made it back into Rio where we still had a few hours to kill. Settling on a film, 2012, we got our tickets and a big milkshake and relaxed for 3 hours. Whoops! A wee bit too much time as we then missed our bus to the Airport for our flight back to Campinas. We didn't realise how hopeless it was to actually make our flight at the time, so we jumped into a cab and asked him to drive as fast as was humanly possible to the airport. Despite this guy having an awful stutter, Djalma kept a conversation up for most of the way (whilst I tried to keep my burnt self of the back of the seat) despite our taxi driver's style matching his delivery of speech - not the smoothest. On the way to the Airport we realised that we weren't going to make our flight and we were dropped off at the bus station instead. Joy. A 6 hour coach ride back to Campinas. Over cobbled roads.

We made it back in time for the wedding - the original reason for coming. It was beautiful and late, the bride Candoca took her sweet time getting to the altar. Apparently the day of the wedding is called the Bride's day and she does what she wants. In this case it involved the day at the salon with all her girlfriends, chilling out, getting their hair/make-up/nails done and generally NOT rushing. Cripes, I was more concerned with the start time than any of the wedding crew! When it did happen and they were making their vows, I tried but couldn't help a few tears escape, it was lovely. And the party afterwards was brilliant, although I did have to peace out and take 5 for a couple of hours, during which time I had my photo taken as Snow White (should've been Snow Red) and the Seven Dwarfs crowded round my 'bed'. The party finished up and we headed back home and gave in to sleep.

And that about concludes the trip, we had one last dinner with the family at an AMAZING Churras restaurant and then got the Metro to the bus station and from their a bus to the Airport. We had a lovely afternoon in Madrid on the way back, meeting a recently divorced Brazilian guy and eating a lot of gorgeous tapas. And then back to Moscow to start work all over again. Not the happiest ending but an amazing trip!

Buying a Bikini in Rio de Janeiro

Well, well, well... When we arrived it really did feel like I was seeing the Brazil I'd imagined, gorgeous beaches, palm trees and tanned scantily clad bodies! I'd managed to leave my bikini behind in Rio Claro so the race was on to get myself a replacement (I had already been looking for a bikini but had decided to stay with the old one even though Djalma insisted that it looked like I'd pooed myself because of the saggy bottom) now there was a challenge.

I'm quite sure you've seen some Brazilian bikini clad ladies and I'm also sure you'll agree, the bikinis out there are NOT the biggest you've ever seen in your life. After a week of turning my nose up at everything I looked at (prior to Rio), I had to admit defeat, the choice of keeping my dignity (and my bum modestly covered up) or having some fun and going for swim (or as it turned out a bit of a paddle and all out war against the waves for my new pants) it wasn't really a choice at all - all out war it was then. Having bought a bikini from a lovely gentlemen hawking them on the front at Ipanema beach, I re-waxed (ESSENTIAL and not because I hadn't done a pretty good job before leaving Moscow) and we headed out again the following day.
After taking a trip up to Corcovado (where Christ the Redeemer lives) and deciding it was a bit too cloudy to bother with the trip after all, we went for a walk on Leblon where we stripped off and got wet. I thought that I had done my bikini up tight enough... but it wasn't really the best job I've ever done at trying to keep my modesty in public! Once I reached hip level in the water I was constantly on a mission to retrieve and cling to my bikini bottoms which were being persistently tugged off by the waves. I lasted a full minute and a half in the water (most of this time was spent crouching down in the water keeping my lower half submerged while I adjusted and readjusted trying not to flaunt either crack) not the classiest 90 seconds of my life. Anyway I made it out and relaxed under an umbrella on a deckchair while I waited for Djalma to catch an alligator and come join me. We had our second coconut water (of the trip) and dried off.

It was such a gorgeous day and facing out to sea we completely forgot the city behind us, the sound of the waves and the blue blue sky was sooo good especially after an Autumn in Moscow!
We did alot of walking along the beaches (Leblon, Ipanema and Copacabana) which took up most of our time but we bought some flipflops from a Havaiana shop which I got customised - COOL!! and a few souvenirs for friends back home. We did go back to Mt. Corcavado on our last day in Rio after we visited Ilha Grande (Big Island) but more about that later...