Dong Hoi, Vietnam

10th - 11th November 2011 Upstairs in our little hotel room we sat and watched Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li, I did my best to concentrate on editing the rest of the photos from Hue but I got caught up in it too. Embarrassing but true. Djalma kept on interrupting to fill me in on the background of the game that he had played growing up. Our stomachs were empty but we waited until the end of the film before heading to a nearby restaurant to fill up on rice, pork, morning glory and fried egg. I headed back and wrote for a couple of hours while Djalma introduced himself to the group of guys who were playing football outside the restaurant. We watched another film, Firestarter, adapted from the Stephen King novel, and ended up going to bed just after midnight (very late for us old farts).

From Dong Hoi, Vietnam

Dong Hoi is a largish town, twinned with smaller Dong Ha across the river. They were both hit very hard with lots of bombing during the American War (that's 'Nam to everyone else) but Dong Hoi regenerated much more quickly after the war finished. Most people who come to this town take a taxi or a scooter out to caves a few kilometres outside of town. Along the way to the caves you can see the bomb craters which have now been utilised as fish farms, we decided to explore the town and the beach because we were leaving in the afternoon and didn't have enough time.

From Dong Hoi, Vietnam

The next morning Djalma had to drag me out of bed but I was glad he did. We were out by 8.30am and after an egg baguette we strolled to the river front and headed into the morning market. We walked past ladies squatting over basket selling vegetables, women haggling over said greens, people waving us over to buy things, with the hand motion peculiar to certain countries – they hold an arm out to you, the hand facing down and they bring the fingers down repeatedly. We walked past cages of chickens, waiting to be sold , strangled and cooked – live animals definitely solves the problems regarding lack of refrigeration, but it's not that nice passing by a chicken having its neck snapped.

From Dong Hoi, Vietnam

The market faced out onto the river and blue and red boats were lined up with smaller boats punting in-between them selling stuff to the guys that couldn't be bothered to go ashore. We followed the river and saw lots of little wooden shacks on stilts, the reason for their being became apparent when they raised huge nets and then paddled out in the little round tub boats to check for fish.

From Dong Hoi, Vietnam

A small group of school children saw us coming and started screeching their hellos, it was too painful to be cute but they were very sweet, demanding to have their photos taken and then more shouting and laughing when I showed them the pictures. I waved goodbye and then they grouped round Djalma who was a little further behind.

From Dong Hoi, Vietnam

Crossing a bridge we saw even more boats in the water just before the river joined the sea. They were beautiful, bright blue, red and white and sitting quietly on the water. A few minutes later we reached the final stop on our morning stroll, the beach.

From Dong Hoi, Vietnam

It was deserted save for a few men with their fishing rods wedged into the sand. We sat and listened to the surf, the sun came out from behind the clouds and made the water even more beautiful. It was just as a beach should be, no shops, no hawkers, no rubbish (well not much), lots of sand and plenty of peace and quiet. Djalma filmed the surf crashing in on the shore and before we left I decided to have a little paddle, Djalma got all Russian on me and took a bucket load of photos. We walked back quickly to get back in time to check out, not stopping except to get some more water.

From Dong Hoi, Vietnam

We checked out, returned to the same restaurant and had the same food, this time with the welcome addition of bamboo. We decided to walk the 3km to the train station, having booked our ticket when we arrived the previous day. About two hundred metres away nature started calling urgently and after handing Djalma my bag I hurried off to find a toilet. Now here's a funny poo story I'd like to share with the world (it's actually a little too soon for me to find this funny but I'm sure I will given a little more time); after asking for a toilet at a hotel near the station they waved me on to the public toilets, I had no idea where they were pointing, so a girl showed me the sign. I hurried on and thankfully there were pictures for men and women because I'm still not sure what 'women' is in Vietnamese. I hurried into a stall, that didn't lock, ripped my trousers a little in the hurry to get them down, and just in time – my body let rip in the toilet and not inside my pants. Now I was in a quandary, in my haste to actually have a shit – number one priority – I hadn't considered, as I usually do, the consequences of having that shit. There was no bucket, no tap and certainly no toilet roll, the toilet flushed but it emptied directly into the bowl. In my rush to find a loo I had left the emergency stash of toilet roll with Djalma, who I now tried calling for, squatting in my little stall with my pants round my ankles. Obviously, he couldn't hear me, I was well tucked away in the toilets which were tucked away behind the station, no chance, but wait... a little old lady heard my shouts saw my face peering out from behind the door and, lets face it, it wasn't rocket science to figure out what I needed. Something to clean my ass with. Seeing me she waved me back into my stall and looked like she was going to do something. She did nothing. I waited and then started shouting for Djalma again, I started to panic (without going into details mine was not a self cleaning shit, it was more of a mudslide) as my legs started to go numb and our train time drew nearer I knew that I had to go, clean ass or not. I pulled up my pants very gingerly and tried to walk as naturally as possible, I passed the little old lady who had not helped me (what a witch) and as I did she held out her hand for money. I tried to stay calm, I said 'no, sorry', she predictably got pissed off and rattled her bag at me showing me a 5000 dong note (about 25¢). I didn't have any money on me, I had nothing, if I'd had a 5000 dong note I probably would have used it in lieu of the toilet roll. After lots of shouting at me and waving the money, I did it again. I lost my cool and shouted back at her. I let loose at this little old lady, I shouted that it was shameful that she was trying to collect money when there was no way to wash your hands let alone your arse. That didn't work, so I shouted that I had poo all over my bum, she didn't understand that either and then I started crying. I had a poo-ey bum bum and I was shouting at a little old lady because I had neglected to take loo roll and she hadn't helped me. This was not what travelling was supposed to be about. After the shouting and the crying I waved her off and went to find my husband and the bog roll. I couldn't stop the tears, it was humiliating, it was like everyone waiting at the platform knew my bottom hadn't been cleaned post poo. I cried at Djalma and then had to wait for the train to arrive, fill up and then leave the station. This was a LONG TIME, I stood while I waited and as soon as the train pulled away the guy unlocked the bog and I was in, finishing the job I had started twenty minutes earlier. Feeling much more human but still utterly let down and shat on by the universe, I returned to my seat able to sit down and enjoy the view.

From Dong Hoi, Vietnam

The ride took about five hours and passed through some truly beautiful terrain, mountains in the back ground, rice paddies in the fore and the occasional graveyard with ornate colourful graves dotted about somewhere in between. The journey was only marred by the few smokers in our carriage who smoked despite the no smoking signs and my poor mood.

From Dong Hoi, Vietnam

We arrived in Vinh after the sun had gone to bed and got a taxi to the state run hotel near a large amusement park. Passing through the nice lobby we walked out of the nice new hotel and into the old soviet style crumbling block where our cheapo room was. We took the room, not wanting to trawl the town for another hotel. After a warmish shower we headed out to take a look at the Amusement Park and to get some dinner. I was feeling pretty glum, what started out as a lovely day had degenerated into a shit one, my mood brought Djalma's down and we walked in silence. There wasn't much in town, Vinh is quite big but we weren't near the centre and so we weren't exactly spoiled for choice in the restaurant department. We eventually found a place and after much faffing about, pointed to what a girl was eating and ordered two of 'that please' it was greasy but it was food. The tables around us were full of drunk cheerful guys who tried to help with our food ordering but couldn't despite increased fluency due to alcohol. We walked round the Amusement Park which was dead, not surprising when it was open every night – it's hardly going to be a rocking place every night of the week – and then back to our hotel, putting our bloated bodies to bed, having decided to leave the next morning. Vinh is a large concrete town hurriedly rebuilt after the war, with new façades to pretty it up and new green spaces, it's just 14km SE from Kim Lien, Ho Chi Minh's birthplace, which had we stayed a little longer we may have gone to see. It's just a concrete 1959 reconstruction of his family home, but it would have been quite cool to see it. The next day I discovered a HUGE spider in the bathroom, it was the size of my palm, even Djalma agrees so you know I'm not exaggerating (I clarified the size with him before writing it here) he came in and hit it with his flip flop a few times, jumping when the not-quite-dead spider touched his foot (that made me feel much better!). We walked to the bus station, got a mystery meat sandwich and then tried to get a ticket. Guys, if you want adventure, beautiful scenery, great food, interesting history and all that jazz, you can find it in a place other than Vietnam. The place is gorgeous, it is beautiful, there is good food and most of you know at least a little of the place's history, but the people are so aggressive. I think I've got it figured out now, people shout but that's normal, people shove and push, that's normal too, people act very aggressively as soon as you say no, I'm not sure whether this is normal or behaviour saved for troublesome/annoying tourists. Whatever, it really doesn't matter what's cultural and what's rude, what I do know is that it makes travelling here occasionally unpleasant. Of course there are lovely people too, people who are sweet and helpful and charming, people who return your smile, who don't wave you away like a pesky mosquito when they can't be arsed to help, but there are the flip-side of these wonderful people. The touts for the bus to Ninh Binh (and then Hanoi) were flip-side people and utterly infuriating. We checked the times and prices in the ticket office, we were told 10am and 150,000 dong to Hanoi (about 7.50USD), we sorted ourselves out and then were led to the 10am sleeper bus by one of the touts with bad skin and an attitude to match. We stowed our bags away and then tried to buy our tickets to Ninh Binh (which is about two thirds of the way between Vinh and Hanoi). The greedy guts tried to sell us tickets for 200,000 dong and then the farce commenced. I smiled and told him that the price was 150,000 to Hanoi, so he matched that price for Ninh Binh which wasn't quite good enough really, he dropped it to 130,000 and after we said no, he waved us away and couldn't be bothered to talk to us any more. We took our bags out and tried to sort something out at the ticket office, no joy, a nice guy tried to help and even his eyes nearly fell out at the original asking price, he explained to yet another tout who was loudly talking at us in Vietnamese with a high pitched nasal whine (even more irritating). As 10am came and went, we settled on the last offered price of 120,000 and got back on the bus which was still there. Not the nicest start to the day. Six hours and more stunning scenery later we pulled up at an indeterminate point in Ninh Binh. We back tracked to the centre and got the cheapest room in the first hotel we stopped at.